Phenomenon: incompatible
“I was praying for GOD, asking him to make my husband love me, never have I received an answer. As time went by, he walked out the door, thats when I knew GOD answered me, thats when I knew what I wish I didn’t”
When I asked why – she said its because his interest was else where. Wanted a social front, a need for everyone to call him a grown man, settled and at ease, knows how to get down with a woman.
Not necessarily true.
These are bits and pieces of an email conversation I had with a woman who reached out to me maybe a year back, discussing her failed marriage. Family arranged type.
Never once have I shown any signs of disapproval for arranged marriage. Not my field, not what I do. Always wish them the best, regardless.
She explained, told me what she found out. I wont share it, its not why I made this post, I made it because I wanted to make sure other women avoid playing the same role again.
Before I get into details, understand that these situations could happen in an “i love you – you love me” or “family arranged” marriage.
Avoid playing roles of a married woman to a man who:
Cheats – Lies – Confused mentally/preference/Sexually - with mom and dad issues – Highly insecure – Doubts you, highly. A man that doubts you/extremely selfish/insecure unintentionally shows all his cards. He’s worried you’d do what he does to you behind your back.
See I would have typed “A DOG who cheats” I cant do that, disrespect dogs ? no way. Dogs are loyal. Ladies, don’t smile, the same applies to some of you too. No pressure on men only. Lets make that clean and clear.
- Moving along -
Ladies here’s the list:
- Make sure your parents comprehend how precious you are. I mean that from all angles.
- Ask, ask, ask and ask some more. I know what marriage means to you, its what you’v dreamed of all your life. Make sure it wont turn into a nightmare.
- Engagment, prolong it. Get to know the good, bad and ugly.
- Stop being stupid. You know what Im talking about. “MOM !! He said he loves me !! AWWWW” Girl ? which cheek should I start slappin ? Men say I LOVE YOU to their mistresses too – do they mean it ?
You know im saying this with love so zip it.
Men, you too:
- If your not man enough, back off. It takes a real man to get married. AND I MEAN THAT FROM ALL ANGLES TOO.
Please refrain from inserting religion here. Dont even dare. Many dont even know how to pray, where the Qibla is, how to prepare for prayer. DO not insert religion here. NOT judging, stating facts.
Being married grants you 50% of religion’s completion. Yes it would, if you got the first half right. LORD knows we are not discussing that mess. Your mess.
Shut it, zip it and get your act together.
- Ask about her, trust and believe they are not heaven sent. Many are raised to be so, grab those – that kind – and cherish them forever.
Plus, been talking about Karma, probably ever since I had this blog running, it proved its powers so far, yes ?
You dont want to mess with Karma. Karma is a what ? Yeah, thats right.
Conclusion:
I guess chemistry is either H2O, CO2 or an explosive union, think dexter’s lab. Ditch Dede. HAH!
*ahem*
Obviously, I care for women and I invest in ways to push them forward, not that they need it, but an extra effort wouldn’t hurt.
On a much brighter level, there are men running their lives with high values, beautiful standards and great personalitites, they inspire me – I admire them alot, wish their energy would rub off on my being. They are the kind of men I wish my sisters, cousins and dear friends would marry.
Its always about the intention. If you have it, run away with it, achieve through it everything you ever wanted.
Life never revolved around marriage. Holly verses state that we were created solely to worship. Thats beautiful, if you knew what it really meant.
Smiling is a form of worship. Working hard is a form of worship.
The forgotten & one of the highest states/levels of worship is meditation. An act done by Prohpets and other beings blessed with high levels of consiousness. Who does that now ? The people I know never crossed the number of fingers in one hand.
Try that for a change.
Maybe it will make you a better human being who knows how to treat his wife/husband/friend/lover/parents/strangers/anyone.
p.s: The women remarried.
There are a few bad advices for the ladies there.
All men seek comfort. Sometimes there is a point where a man feel uncertain and some reassurance from his wife would make him happy. So do not jump into the conclusion that your husband is cheating on you.
Personally, I think the stupid kharoof is the guy telling the girl “I love you” during the kho6ba. I get it shes a pretty awesome chick but you have to slow down!
Actually, life has always revolved around marriage. Reproduction is important to ensure the survival of all living things. It’s instinct. It’s the only way to avoid the extinction of the human race. Through marriage the human species can achieve longevity. But I don’t think that getting married is as important as it once used to be. Sadly, many young people are confusing getting married with other things like: being happy, “finding” a purpose/role in life, or even finding one’s self!
@Chamone:-people have reproduced far more than needed!!
@ mustafa:- Exactly. Which is why I’ve mentioned that (imo) getting married & having kids is not something that’s necessary today.
LOL ! The way you write in this post makes me feel like I’m in a classroom ;p
About the subject, I totally agree with Chamone.
The problem with some ladies is that they rely their lives on the man they marry. This is what they have in mind, “Marriage is life” IT’S NOT ;s
A girl I know who’s single once told me that if her future husband doesn’t see her as beautiful, she wouldn’t see herself as beautiful ;s What is this?! Why would you marry the guy if he thinks that way in the 1st place?! If the guy is going to care about your physical appearance only, than he’s not the marriage type.
I’m not against any types of marriages as long as the couple are happy during their marriage and at the end of their marriage (il3ebra benehaya). Although, I personally think that some arranged marriages fail because the 5e6ba is not long enough. I think 1 to 3 months is too short. The longer the 5e6ba, the better (minimum 9 months).
The MOST thing I don’t like about some arranged marriages is when guys tell their mom to look for a wife who’s white or samra, long black hair, and the list goes on. What are we? Candy?! I don’t know about you ladies, but I refuse to marry someone who likes me because of a checklist he has in terms of physical appearance. Personality comes first and then physical appearance. This could happen in not arranged marriages too, but you’ll know what the guy is like when you 1st see him if he’s concerned about your looks or brains, it’s obvious ;p It’s more common in arranged marriages, especially to ladies who get engaged because the guy’s mother saw her in a wedding.
A cute love story
A friend of mine once told me about how her handsome brother got married.
and that’s how he got married to his sister’s best friend.
He wanted an arranged marriage and told her sister to look for one of her friends. She looked with her best friend, who has been her friend since childhood, for girls who would be interested to her brother, but he didn’t like any of them. His sister and her best friend were tired of looking and sat in one of the living rooms. The brother came in the room without knocking and saw his sister with her best friend who happened to be quickly pulling down her skirt to cover her knees, not intending to make him notice, as he was walking in the room. He fell in love with that act of hers and told his sister that he liked her best friend
Isn’t that adorable?
Everyone has his/hers own cup of tea either be it in looks or personality.. so I agree with your point that the most important thing is the couple being comfortable and happy.
However, with regards to the “56ba” period, my personal opinion 9 months would be too long as is 1 month short.. to get to know the other party.. say after 9 months one of the couple makes a decision that this isnt working out the awakrndess between the families and the guy might be attached to the girl or vice versa would do more harm than good..so one should take a decision early but bases it on what..1 month relationship so he has so little info..dilemma.uuff
“I guess chemistry is either H2O, CO2 or an explosive union, think dexter’s lab. Ditch Dede. HAH!”
you are too cute :*
Allah iywafigha and I hope men start to take this issue seriously. Don’t destroy a women’s life because you feeling like you reached a certain age and you have to get married. Just saying.
Allah iywafigha and I hope men start to take this issue seriously. Don’t destroy a women’s life because you feel like you reached a certain age and you have to get married. Just saying.
Poach u r right.The institution of marriage has become very complicated in every society.Cant take it lightly anymore