Phenomenon: Value
We depend on experts to tell us how much a slice of land/real estate/investment is worth.
During the long anticipated/well earned vacation, Iv been hanging with many friends/relatives/couples (Married, Nonmarried) semi-strangers here in Kuwait and abroad. We talked, giggled, whispered, some cried out of joy or pure sadness.
The topic, relationships.
Through many observations in the various discussions I had, revelations appeared:
Men tend to reveal the masculine/I dont feel a thing/let her burn/she’ll be back, philosophies. While checking their phones on the side. Majority.
She focuses on small things, the meaningless mess and is too observant, why ? They asked while mumbling ” I give her a whole garden, she asks what about that apple over there”
Women tend to “act a fool” in emotions, keeping it classy through-out the conversation, reminiscing of the cool things happened earlier, smiling with mixed emotions. Majority.
He is irresponsible, careless, loves me, yes, but not really, why ? They freaked out, with future plans for a hair cut, quickly checking tummy and thighs, with a worried look, then pulling it all back together with a cold face.
*pause*
Being the listener in these rich/deeply emotional/candid/random confessions kept me tempted to judge but I swore on my soul to never judge, ever.
I realized I was asked, indirectly, to give my opinion in what was presented, to be fair, yet, to be an ally, again, indirectly.
I only smile. Thats what Im good at.
*pause*
I wont annoy you with a long post so i’ll keep it short.
Although I saw my friends mistakes, flaws and egos. I thought of a “Neutral” answer. I thought of being Switzerland. I thought of “Self Value” where it was obviously questioned and unconsciously degraded by themselves.
I asked questions like, Do you think you deserve this treatment ? Do you deserve better ? Why ? and so forth. The answers were shocking.
Some said, No I dont deserve the love I received. Some said, Im a dream come true to him/her.
*pause*
What was interesting, in my book, was the open “he said, she said” argument that occurred infront of me, couples to be specific.
They were tense, yet smiling, sometimes holding hands, while I sit there motion/emotionless, thinking of the pain I used to go through, get into a daze, then quickly reply with a Yes/No/Maybe answer.
It was all about value. “You did this to me, so I do it back to you”, even worse,”i’ll do it my way”.
Still, in love.
Creme du La creme ?
If you think you deserve what you have, praise the lord and hold on to what was given with absolute gratitude.
If not, immediately stop the drama, hold your tongue and halt those damned good for the devil tears.
Talking to your stupid friends about it in an attempt to show yourself as the victim will only make you drown more in the mud of ugliness, honestly.
Remember, the only reason you picked up that phone and called your friend was to show’em that your right and he’s wrong.
When you hang up. Shower up, ease down, and slowly “think” your about to sleep, answers will prevail and you’ll know what you did. Denial.
No, not the river in egypt. Denial, as in denying the fact that you messed it up big time.
Say/express/communicate with yourself that your value is way up there Or shut up and save the world from the pollution of noise.
Thats what I did.
i can never understand men!!
7atta woman!!
humans thing and work in a crazy way but i like the way you analyized things and proposed a reasonable solution very fit for it(y)
why not ?
think*
mo thing
no problem ;D
loved it. and true, “attempt to show yourself as the victim will only make you drown more in the mud of ugliness, honestly.” I get annoyed by ppl who play the ‘victim’ role not only in relationships but in life in general.
Thank you Latoops : )
Head nod big time on this line “I get annoyed by ppl who play the ‘victim’ role not only in relationships but in life in general”
What happend to the oath you took not to judge…the head nodding is in agreement with a judgement, no?
Hey there, your funny
but no, I meant it to give the expression of ” carry on “
relationships in kuwait are hilarious because the girl, after being in a long relationship with you, can quite literally get whisked away and marry a guy she just met yesterday.
‘true love’ can be bought with a barrage of shoes and handbags and trips so Seychelles
and let’s not forget that kuwait has a caste system where families 1, 2, and 3 can only marry with one another.
viva la kuwait
Fuzzybear, the extremist : P
*back rub/whispers*
Why so angry ?
ITS COMPLICATED !
ofcourse it is
why cant it be simple,and every thing out on the table kind of relation . bas thinking about it it’ll be dull and no action or drama or games .
Why not to think about marriage like about the strategy or tactics?or like about investment?
Uncontrolled emotions are like wild horses, they are dificult to drive and it can cost u life..
As for the idea of bussiness investment, there u dont use according your emotions when u r choosing the right investment, but u study the proposal and options first, then u analyse and think..It can be that easy…
It’s my way of crying out for love.
Fuzzy ? Thats nasty
Nice observation:-)
I like to observe people, their lives, decisions and consequencesof their behaviour too.
If we can agree that we as human beings have full control over our behaviour and therefore over our life situation and the things that are happening to us are consequences of our decisions and this doesnt contradict concept of Qadau Qadar because here i m talking about actions which are under direct comand of our will, not the life obstacles we cannot control.Therefore, we can choose our behaviour. This maybe the most important decision of our lives. To take control and responsibility for what we think, desire, behave..
Here I list some behaviours that can be useful for dealing with marriage problems:
1. You will get back exactly what u give to your spouse in everything
2. You will always see a resemblance of yourself in your partner, so work on yourself and dont project the staff you are not satisfied with on your partner
3. treat your partner like any stranger u meet- be kind , polite and show respect no matter what situation are u in
4. You will be treated by your partner exactly the way how you teach him to treat you.
5. Set very clear boundaries for the meaning of your marriage: Marriage is the union of 2 independent partners who wilingfully decide to share their lives together in order to reach muttally beneficial relationship
UmAbdulrahman, your views are very well put together, they make sense and are very wise.
AlQadar/Fate is simply inevitable, so yes, there are no coincidences, its a pattern that goes about through what you “intend” to do, willingly.
Thank you Abdallah,
I strongly believe that we have power over our fate/ destiny. Allah SWT only gives us tests ( which are meant to be probational, real punishment comes later after death) and the decision is upon us to decide to face the challenge, struggle and finally overcome ourselves or give up trying and surrender..
I will give example:
health problems- if a human being suffers major disease- like long year addict smoker suffers stroke- after period of emergency treatment which gets him stabilised, his fate will depend on his disicion if he will give up smoking which will give him better chance of future survival
The same goes for relationships.It is a way we behave that defines them.Alas, we will never have even small certainity that we will succed, but in my opinion it is worthy fighting for: our dreams, personal standards of our behaviour, better future for our kids,…
Agreed, big time !
I love how you understand the concept of choice, fully.
The funny thing is, when you know the rules, you cant play dumb no more
HAH!
when you know the rules, you cant play dumb no more #
Sorry double negative gives one pozitive, so this should go (sorry i m grammar freak)
“when you know the rules, you cant play dumb any more ”
Great point Abdallah
i admit it . . . i played the victim so many times and i’ve always been right from all of my friends point of view! whether i was right or wrong! the action itself was wrong! it gave me power and the authority over many! but then i’ve realized this is not how i wanna live my life!
from my experience i can say that we all have to make sacrifices in a marriage/relationship.
i gave up some of my friend’s outings and social gatherings so i can spend time with my husband and he also gave up diwaniya for 3 days a week and the other 4 days he would be back home before 1 30 am. Bt its not very hard to do so, in fact im happy that ive made these sacrifices for my marriage and i know that im right bcoz everything is on the right track el7imdilla.
also, i learned to always LISTEN to the other person before judging their action and afaker gabl la a8dem 3ala shay.
P.S. ur blog is bookmarked eb my iMac o my Macbook Pro..yeah im that addicted. one request, can u please add somecontrast and zdistrict to ur blogroll 3alashan y9eer asre3 for me to open them since theyre the only 2 that i read that u dnt have
thank u
Abdullah! Ever thought of writing a novel? you’ll excell in it!
Aww thanks, i would love to do so one day, I might, ;D
yes thanks you do have a point, i recommend reading the book “men are from mars, women are from venus” by john gray it’s an old book but it helps both men and women understand each other more and improve their relationships.
Agreed ;D
It could be so complicated yet so simple.
that makes so sense but its true
But I think true love comes after marriage, when you’re just getting to know the person. If you know someone for like years then you decide to get married, it usually rarely works out!
my opinion only ^ ;D
out of experience ?
nah, just what I think from other peoples experiences
tawni yahel ana ;p
:]
Hallawo ;D
Hey there ;p
3alashan ma a6awilha wihi g9eera
“ElNass Ma Yamli 3ainha Ghair ElTrab”
fa kilwa7id yagthib maynouna la eyi eli ayan menah;p
Head nod ;D
Hey there ;p
3alashan ma a6awilha wihi g9eera
“ElNass Ma Yamli 3ainha Ghair ElTrab”
fa kilwa7id yagthib maynouna la eyi eli ayan menah ;p
too complicated, never understood, never will… i feel more relaxed like this ;p
Dont force yourself to understand/comprehend anything, just enjoy being who you are, things will come your way ;D
By that mentality, humanity would have achieved nothing ;o
Fuzzy, your referring to which reply ? ; )
mo 3ajbik my comment lat3ali8 plz, le2na already 8athnee inta
he meant me not you ;D
Comment 7×5
Hahaha, smart.
Plus, point taken.
You know, theres one thing i learned, and that is neither side is perfect. you just have to adapt to one another and sacrifice the part of you that wants more of what the other person cant become.
Do I see a kuwaiti DR.PHIL ? :p
Love the post A!
Honestly, I don’t see anything worth judging in terms of the relationships presented in this post laana you can never have ALL the facts 3ashan you judge, no?
Another thing, the dynamics between couples differ from one person to the other, so I think it’s impossible to standardize these relationships in terms of what’s right and what’s wrong. What could work for one couple (even if you see it as a bizarre behavior) might not work for the other.
If a friend comes up to me and starts complaining about her spouse, I discovered that I should only listen and offer zilch advice (Actually I keep telling them it’s bad to share these things with other people, 7attan PARENTS)! At the end of the day, she’s going back to her husband, work things out o tred chinna wala shay sar!
3adi A, nas tetza3al o tet9a7ab bas bel a5eer il7ayat tamshi