HAWT TOPIC, Ladies: This is for you *STICKY*
this topic gained HAWT topic status because of you guys, so imma keep it as sticky for one more day
Sara, a reader sent me a message asking me how/what her response should be when her close friend told her this:
“Baby, you have an amazing personality, your out going, fun, loving but you dont look good, you really dont”
Please bare in mind that she keeps telling me this line again and again “yeah I know it sounds strange but she told me this with love”.
I dont want to snap or react, its so much fun to hear the response from you readers directly.
*I took her permission in sharing this with you.
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Well if you two are close she might be helping out… some people cant sugar-coat things so “egi6onha bl wayh”…fa latit’thaygayn take it as a joke oo fehmay sheno qa9dha…ask others…bss i think what she is trying to say ena ur beautiful from the inside bss the way u dress or something does not reflect it…my opinion saway eli eray7ich il jamal jamal il rooooo7!!!;D
maybe your friend is trying to help you but the way she said it kind of hurts, i think she should have said it in a more polite way. if you feel comfortable with yourself then you don’t have to change,”Beauty is not in the face,beauty is a light in the heart.”
“you dont look good, you really dont”? jad walah?
haha, 3ajeeba, a7ad 6alab rayha? bs il muhimmmm ina she said it with love!
a7 maskeena, i respect what everyone said but i think that if her friend was a “close” friend she would have seen past the exterior by now.
Omg.. thats so mean!! if she’s ur close friend she should see the beauty in u.. no matter what u look like! o if she really wants to help ya3ne elmafrooth tgolech what makes u look better mo tgollech u dont look good.. in my opinion kel shakhs feeh shay yjtheb eb malam7a .. sheno y3ne u dont look good,u really dont!!???… bs yallah maybe nafs ma galaw bel comments.. maybe ma3refat twasel el ma3lom sa7 ;s
and i also agree with lemon-aid.. el jamal jamal el roo7
lol at the bs/cliched replies so far and the ones soon to come. Please, stop watching Disney movies.
To be honest no girl regardless of their appearance will have trouble getting a guy in Kuwait if that’s what their goal is. So there’s that to look forward to I suppose.
Secondly, looks are all good but with looks typically comes attitudes and ego complexes (due to how tools beg for their attention), especially when dealing with local women.
This is something that in most cases cannot be helped as the culture here and the easy lifestyle that comes with it if you’re Kuwaiti plus a woman’s high placement in society has been ingrained into their personalities since birth, but that is another matter.
Moving outside of Kuwait where men don’t chase anything with estrogen, a girl can still win a guy over with her charm regardless of her looks.
However, if sara is packing on the pounds then her chances are diminished greatly (this does not apply to Kuwait) or pretty much to zero.
If she refuses to shed the blubber then she should head back to the Victorian era when fat was ‘chic’ or watch se7en and wallow in self pity or wear some leopard pants and clown makeup and head to wasabi bidi3.
But any not so ‘good looking’ girl, if she has a fit body, is fun going, and has a kick ass personality that a guy can feel comfortable with and is actually outgoing then yeah she’s in the green.
‘Tis the law of nature.
You do realize of course that there was no mention of men in p0ach’s post right?
I mean blah blah blah man hating Dyke aside, women (straight as well) don’t necessarily place their image related self esteem on the other gender’s perception of them. They’re actually more affected by the reaction of their peers. (Hence Kuwaiti women dressing to the nines when going to female only events such as weddings or receptions.)
I’m not totally discounting the need for approval of the male gender from straight women. I mean it’s an fact of nature that all animals, human or not, seek some sort of approval from potential mates. I think even platonic approval from the other gender is important. Hell when I dress up for a party I want everybody to call me pretty.
As for big girls and their level of attractiveness, it’s a matter of taste as well.
I admit myself, I’m mostly attracted to fitter girls, but I’ve come across one or two fat girls that were pretty scorching, and if I’d had a chance then I’d have definitely made a move.
Disclaimer: This is coming from a girl who is ‘packing on the pounds’ herself. Sometimes I feel like I look good, sometimes I don’t. Often I feel like I need to lose weight, sometimes not so much.
It’s all in the perspective, right?
I have to agree with “FUZZY BEAR”. Right on the money.
if someone came up o me and said that to my face yeah sure im gonna feel hurt and devastated about it, but after thinking about it and trying to make ense out of it, i will realize “wow i have an amazing personilty and im fun to be around” bcoz looks arent everything and one day i will eventually lose it as i age but ill always be the same person i was one day.
Also, the level of my beauty doesnt and shouldnt effect my self-esteem, instead i must believe that “elthi8a ne9 eljamal” o ana i make myself believe that i dnt need beauty to live and pursue my dreams.
Ivan Panin said:
For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it.
For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it.
For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.
It’s beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.
Sophia Loren once said:
Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.
NOW THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I BELIEVE IN
I think ure friend didnt say it the right way. And besides thats her opinion, u should have self confidence in yourself and should always think that ppl have different taste and beautiful to u maybe ugly to her and the opposite way around. So, just give her a smile and tell her thanks mn thogeech.
Hon, first of all ilnas athwa8, and God did not create you to please her by your looks after all who is she to be the judge?
I personally believe in inner beauty, that of the soul iljamal eyee werou7!
Seriously, she needs to get a life of her own, i say tell her 5asha iljamal 7agich ;D
and to fuzzybear; are you trying to convince me that every skinny girl gets the man of her dreams? and that every chubby/fat girl ain’t getting any? naah! thats not the way it works! ili maktoub biljbeen betshofa el3ayn weln9eeeb yeb6ii lakin may56ii;p
A dyke, interesting.
“You do realize of course that there was no mention of men in p0ach’s post right? ”
Men have been involved with every facet of human society since the dawn of humanity’s existence. This will not change.
“I mean blah blah blah man hating Dyke aside, women (straight as well) don’t necessarily place their image related self esteem on the other gender’s perception of them. They’re actually more affected by the reaction of their peers. (Hence Kuwaiti women dressing to the nines when going to female only events such as weddings or receptions.) ”
You may think that women dressing up even in female only events is not correlated to men but that’s not necessarily true. When it comes to Kuwaiti functions, weddings for example, women dress up in order to impress one another, impress a potential groom’s mother and finally to boost their self-esteem when they get compliments which in turn makes them feel more confident in attracting a member of the opposite sex.
Notice for example how the majority of women’s photo’s on facebook only get female compliments followed by ‘no yoU’Re GoregouS baBe! xoxo’.
Women above everything else want to impress one another and outdo their female counterparts. It’s natural and instinctual and serves as nature’s way of weeding out the weak from the strong, sifting through the estrogen-infused masses and determining who has the potential to wed and who doesn’t. If a woman gets a compliment about her looks constantly, this will affect her personality which in turn will affect how men perceive her.
“I’m not totally discounting the need for approval of the male gender from straight women. I mean it’s an fact of nature that all animals, human or not, seek some sort of approval from potential mates. I think even platonic approval from the other gender is important. Hell when I dress up for a party I want everybody to call me pretty. ”
You prove my point, even you want everyone to call you pretty. This does not occur with men, not even in the most extravagant male only functions and events. It’s strictly a feminine trait and as mentioned above, serves a purpose.
“As for big girls and their level of attractiveness, it’s a matter of taste as well. ”
Yeah some people like whales too but that’s usually because they’re whales themselves.
“I admit myself, I’m mostly attracted to fitter girls, but I’ve come across one or two fat girls that were pretty scorching, and if I’d had a chance then I’d have definitely made a move. ”
But you didn’t because you ultimately find fitter girls as being attractive. Of course there are those that are attractive regardless of their body but it’s a very low figure.
“Disclaimer: This is coming from a girl who is ‘packing on the pounds’ herself. Sometimes I feel like I look good, sometimes I don’t. Often I feel like I need to lose weight, sometimes not so much.It’s all in the perspective, right? ”
It’s what society and mother nature is making you want Nature, society and the media, through subtle influences to a barrage of subliminal images, makes you want to fit the image of being a thin woman. Why? Because that is what attracts men of this era.
Why do you think the victorian notion of fat women being perceived as being beautiful died out? Because it was unnatural and wasn’t practical because the masses were hard working peasants, and as history shows, it’s always the peasants/lower class who rise up to power and change the world.
Ok, so here’s the thing. I don’t think you’re wrong, I just don’t think you’re right either.
“Men have been involved with every facet of human society since the dawn of humanity’s existence. This will not change.”
The same could be said for Women, and yet not everything a man does is chalked up to his desire to attract women.
“You may think that women dressing up even in female only events … will affect how men perceive her.” (That whole section)
I agree that there are many women who dress up for female only events do so to impress a potential groom’s mother, but saying it as a statement of common fact discounts a fair number of women at these events who… don’t. Reducing the whole process of female grooming related social behavior to a race to the altar discounts the power dynamics of said behavior. Also discounted by your claim aboit female to female compliments is the genuine emotion and desire for connection.
“You prove my point, even you want everyone to call you pretty. This does not occur with men, not even in the most extravagant male only functions and events. It’s strictly a feminine trait and as mentioned above, serves a purpose.”
I think it’s an interesting claim that men do not seek admiration of their physical attributes. Men usually don’t want to be called ‘pretty’ I agree, but that they don’t ever want to be complimented on their appearance? I disagree.
An aside to my own desire to being called pretty, I specifically stated a particular circumstance, and I believe that it’s desire of the effort I put into it. The acknowledgement of a job well done, as much as it being ‘female vanity’. Also again power dynamics: Traditionally men displayed their power through possessions, money, house, car, attractive partner while women displayed their power through physical attractiveness and the financial means of their power. This isn’t necessarily the case anymore, but the behavior still exists to an extent.
“Yeah some people like whales too but that’s usually because they’re whales themselves.”
I’m not responding to that, just because I believe it lowers the level of discourse. I’m optimistically interpreting this as a birds of a feather type statement, but either way the language just isn’t conducive to open friendly dialogue. I’m just going to say I don’t know you from Adam, so I’m not going to make a judgment statement about you, but this statement as well as others in your comment could be interpreted as sizist, fat hating, even misogynistic. I’m not accusing you of being any of those things, I’m just pointing out how some things sound, if you are not aware.
“But you didn’t because you ultimately find fitter girls as being attractive. Of course there are those that are attractive regardless of their body but it’s a very low figure.”
I don’t know that you know me well enough to speak to my motivations, but let me assure you that that wasn’t the case, I just didn’t get the chance because the circumstance weren’t right.
“It’s what society and mother nature is making you want Nature, society and the media, through subtle influences to a barrage of subliminal images, makes you want to fit the image of being a thin woman. Why? Because that is what attracts men of this era.
Why do you think the victorian notion of fat women being perceived as being beautiful died out? Because it was unnatural and wasn’t practical because the masses were hard working peasants, and as history shows, it’s always the peasants/lower class who rise up to power and change the world.”
I don’t know that I agree to mother nature wanting me to be thin, but I certainly agree to the whole media influence. I think you logic is circular though, is media pushing ‘thin’ because it attracts men of the era or are men of the era attracted to ‘thin’ *because* media is pushing it?
As to fat being unnatural and therefore undesirable. Yeah no, that doesn’t seem like a valid argument to me.
Although it would be interesting to see if now that the peasants/lower classes are fat due to lack of nutritional education and access to healthier foods and that healthy lifestyles and slowly becoming a luxury of the upper classes if the ‘peasants’ will rise up to turn our standards of beauty a full 360.
ugh wordpress fail, it didn’t separate the paragraphs.
i’d simply reply “sorry to break it to you, but neither do you”
Ignore the comment, move on.
lat3awreen galbich 3ala shay ma yeswa…
Ed3ay rabich and you will feel great as soon as possible, do the things you like to do.. Just dont think about the comment
your friend is very irrespectful ; that’s all i have to say!
and you shouldn’t stay friends with her simply because a real friend (who loves you) wouldn’t care about the looks (that’s A.) and they certaintly won’t pass direct insults like this! (that’s b.)!
smart
No offense bs there’s another D ghairy? *SIGH* lol like i didnt see that coming.
Anyhooo.. Yeah dude inner beauty shay ou megan fox beauty shay thany..but you’re right we’re alll beautiful! Wallah eniiik asly abdullah!
I wouldn’t know how 2 respond since I’m hot ;p
Seriously:
U don’t have 2 take this crap 4m ne 1 so do yourself a favor and end this friendship immediately
THIS BITCH IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
golelaha:
“3ayal I really really dont want 2 b friends with u”
FYI…
i have close friends that dont look good bs lo shino ma agolohom “u dont look good” o leman e7eson ena theyr not as pretty as their other friends… it shows fa i step in and tell them “ilon ilazrag waayed 7elo 3alech mashala”
from my point of view there are times where u cant lie (like when ur shopping and she asks for ur opinion u say ur opinion wheather it’s a yes or a no) bs there are times where u have to lie (white lies) like i wish i had curly hair like u, to make her feel pretty
Who is she to judge you anyway?
I’m surprised why No ONE suggested this … If she is a close friend.. Why didn’t you ask her (Why do you think I don’t look good?) there must be a reason! Everything in this world has a reason behind it. So just set and talk with her! Exchange thoughts and clarify ur minds together. See what she got to say, some of her thought may be good for u to take. Others may be answered with (no intay ghal6ana, what I am is this and that!) …
Set and “talk” with ur friend.
etha baghait 9a7bik dowm, 7asba kil youm.
there is no “why?” to this question… ye3ny betgolaha 5ashmech wela tarkebat wayhech mo 7elwa…
that would make things worst
there is a why to it if she is a close friend! ,, mu shar6 bet3ayyeb 3ala shay in her face or body! 6abee3i its been there since she knew her! .. maybe she will suggest a hair cut/color. new clothes style. losing weight. etha ehya refeeja 3azeeza o qadeema! eshma3na now ga66at hal kilma! lazim feeh sibab. etha wa7da yedeeda.. akeed ta36eeha SKIP.
In my opinion she is not a true friend , cause if she said that with good intentions like trying to help or state an opinion, she wouldn’t say it this hurtful way , am sorry but I
think she is stuck up and think she is the shit , and looks are important u just have to find ur own physical beautiful features and show it
RIGHT ON FUZZY!
@UnSuperDyke: good rebuttal. I won’t continue seeing as how there’s a time limit on the topic, and it’s a essentially a matter of opinion.
You have my seal of approval.
*tips hat* Thank you.
Your decision seems sensible. I’m impressed, it’s more than I expected in a debate of this nature.
All condescension aside, it is indeed a matter of opinion. So I suppose we respectfully agree to disagree? (We have indeed hijacked poor p0ach’s post.)
I’d seal it with an emoticon but they’re not really my thing.
Cheers.
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i agree with giggles beauty is not in the face beauty is a light in the heart
.. ou 3ala goolatkum eljamal jamal elroo7, lana jamal elwayh ma ystmr lel 2abad.. ou ba3dain law a7ad ygoli chethi i’ll smile back at my frnd ou i’d tell her this is me either u like it or not!