Family gatherings have been the topic of the week most definitely since ramadan is staying in for a month.

The difference between this season and all the past ones is that this one in particular started right after the BIG SUMMER vacation. You have to realize that everybody is now back, fresh, looking younger (you know what im talking about *snap*) and just joyous with the occasion.

Yes, thats the beautiful bright side of the whole thing.

Now, lets flip to the lovely people who indulge in not what they have, sadly, but what YOU have.

In Ramadan, I have been to many houses with my family, greeting, congratulating and visiting the ill, im sure you all did the same, YET, in one particular house, we saw the Tamriya lady.
I will move on to Miss Tamriya later, I call her that, because she loves dates, she takes her own dates with her wherever she goes. Being this socially powerhouse, she does not really care who sees what, as long as she is happy. Me and her have a very special relationship, you see, I love Tamriya, tamer, dates just like her, or maybe even a tad more. We discuss all types of dates together, I enjoy her company honestly. She might be old and her youngest kid is my father’s age, yet, for some reason a connection was made.

With all her lovely attitude, there is a twist. The moment you take away dates from her, she becomes a human scanner.

People came by, just like us, visiting, to greet and all, she had her eyes fixed on everyone, scanning them from top to bottom, glassy eyes. She did like what she saw, didnt want to acknowledge it. If you saw her transition, you would see the pain and memories mixed all together. She is the epitome of what the word “KAFKHA” is, she has more than EVERYTHING of what a woman wants. I understand how many people of power feel. I believe they are powerful because they have been through alot of hard times that forced them to use their brain more than thier hearts, which is the right thing to do WITHOUT a human touch. The only thing that had referred her back to her innocnece was DATES. I asked my relatives about her later, they said when her mother passed away she was a very young naive girl, her mother was an expert in preparing various date dishes. I guess thats why she is attached to that bowl. She wants her mother. She wants peace, she never knew how to react, never had someone to guide her through.

She kept asking everyone who came in personal questions with titles like ” where did you get that from ? ” , ” how much did you get it for ? ” I saw the tension, embarrassment, anger, fear and uncertainty in their faces. I never felt so embarrassed my whole entire life, knowing that the question is not directed my way, STILL, its embarressing to be present in such a scenario. I liked how some answered loudly, some answered softly & some asked her the same question back. (YAYIKS !)

That being said, there was another woman, who is very kind, smiley, gentle and just oh so elegant. I love her to pieces, my family does too. I am the type of person who can loudly show you how much I love you, I do that and i dont care who’s watching, never did actually. So we greeted her warmly, her, her husband and kids.

Miss Tamriya, however being the centre piece of the house, knowing that she was just a visitor, thought that this is unacceptable for some reason and decided to slice her up:

Tamriya – So how long was your journey to Paris ? (talking to her, while looking at us with a “lemme show you what I can do” look)
Woman – Thank you for asking, well I went with my family for 5 days then went back to the UK.
Tamriya – Only 5 days you say ? why is that ? too expensive for your taste ?
Woman – No no, we had to go back to mother, we couldent leave her with my sister for so long, a man has to be in the house. It is a vacation, but my mother is more important than anything.
Tamriya – Your mother is sick, she is sick isint she ? very sick, yes ?
Woman – Well she is, but she always smiles so we wont worry much, I can feel her pain, but she always tells me that all is fine.

I, for one could not bare this torture, so I threw a line at miss Tamriya “ I dont see dates with you ? Where are they ? ” I knew this line would distract her completely.

She, then immediately switched from a beast to an innocent child, she forgot the debate, forgot everything. She went and asked the “female workers”( i call them hareem, while you call them maids, khadama, hindiya) for more and more dates and sweets. Had her arabic coffee, and PHEW ! she’s gone.

Abdullah’s take:

Women in general are sensitive. If you see a woman who isint, just know for a fact that something is wrong with her. In “wrong” I mean, bad experiences.

I have seen very young women, ladies and little girls being affected by such negativity, I have even seen tears. I am here today telling you that these comments should not bother you. You have made an effort, you went out, brought what you thought is right, be it a dress or a line you said, an effort was made.

My dear, do not take things personally, do not think the world revolves around you. That woman who threw that bad/ignorant/unkind word at you threw the same on others too, even herself, she threw these merciless words like ” ohh you gained weight”, ” why did you cut your hair ? you dont look good, you used to look better before” when even before she never did say a word of kindness about the way you look. Think of it this way, ” why is she doing this ? why ? ” I guess the answer that will pop up is ” well, she is jealous “.

No. Thats not the right answer. The answer would be ” She never knew what else to say, she never experienced it ” this is the part where you step in, teach her, with your kindness, how to communicate BY answering her back gently. This is where you move from a mere woman to an angel. Let alone the admiration of the crowd present.

Please understand that deep down, in that woman’s soul, she is saying the same things to herself, she does not mean harm, she is just hurt. She does not know how to communicate. She thinks that being nice means being weak.

We, men, TODAY, do not have that mess. Even if somebody threw a line or two, shutting him up is very simple.

Practice the transparent experience. I recently tried it and it works like magic. look, its really simple, If someone threw a word at you, dont let it stick to your body, imagine the word coming out of their mouth, coming towards you AND passing threw you, without staying in, just passing by, without a reflection, a surface that will let it bounce back. Try it.

You will rule the world.

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